RESUMES & COVER LETTERS
These are taken from resumes and cover letters that were printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine: The spelling is exactly the way it appeared in the magazine.
  • "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
  • "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms."
  • "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
  • "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
  • "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
  • "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
  • "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
  • "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
  • "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."
  • "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
  • "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
  • "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
  • "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
  • "I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
  • "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing."
  • "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
  • "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
  • "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."
  • "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
  • "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
  • "Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as 'job- hopping'. I have never quit a job."
  • "Marital status: often.Children: various."
  • "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions."
  • "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
  • "Finished eighth in my class of ten."
  • "References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

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